Us Against Them Is Not-So Dead and Gone

I haven’t been posting lately, for which I apologize. I’ve been a tired little girl, falling asleep at nine or ten o’clock every day, meaning I have traded in my blogging me time for listening-to-the-radio-in-the-car-on-my-way-home-from-work me time. And I have to say I’ve enjoyed being in-the-know about what’s out there in the land of pop music. Because let’s be honest, I love the same music as most 14 year old girls. Continue reading

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Top Ten: Older Men I Have to Have

10.) Michael JordanI grew up in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s, when MJ was on top. I saw him slam dunk, try his bat for grand slams, and get looney in Space Jam. There is nothing this man cant do. Including win the heart of a 22 year old.

9.) Sean Connery – I know. He’s a little before my time, but while that makes some men, well, old, it just makes Sean timeless. Throw a killer Scottish accent on him, and you’ve got this pale, freckled girl’s heart racing.

8.) John Stamos – Even his mullet was hot. Even as a little girl – I was in the third grade when Full House ended its run – I watched my favorite TV show for two reasons. 1.) Because I’m the same age as the Olsen twins and I liked to pretend we were total BFFS. 2.) I knew as an 8-year old, that Uncle Jesse was God’s gift to TGIF.

7.) Bill Clinton – Is it creepy that I’m writing this while wearing a blue dress . . . at my internship? Honestly, I just love this man. I know he’s a cheating, misogynist kinda guy, and I should hate him, but something about that just makes him all the more intriguing.

6.) Brad Pitt You may say that Brad Pitt doesn’t count as an “older man.” Well, I’m 22, and I say he does. Because if I came home with Brad Pitt, two things would happen. 1.) My father would take him to the back 40 with his favorite backhoe. 2.) My Auntie M (who’s about four decades my senior) would attempt to dig him back up and run away with him.

5.) Denzel Washington – I contemplated not even putting his last name in the listing. That’s how iconic and gorgeous this man is. He’s just Denzel. I cant quite put my finger on the exact moment I fell in love with him, but I’ll tell you the day I’ll fall out of love with him: Never. Never-ever-ever.

4.) Pierce Brosnan I feel as though there’s no explanation needed here. Have you read my The Price is Wrong post?

3.) George Clooney – Paging Dr. Ross. This blogger seems to have stopped breathing. Could you please assist her with some mouth-to-mouth resuscitation? I grew up getting shoved off to bed before 10 p.m. on Thursdays so my mother could have an hour to herself watching ER. I think I saw her try to make out with the TV once . . .

2 .) Anderson CooperI know what you’re thinking. I might not be his type, right? Look, all I have to say is, this is Anderson Cooper, and I’m an aspiring journalist, and I appreciate him on approximately 14 different levels. Though I admit, 12 of those levels have to do with his hair and/or eyes.

1.) Richard GereAn Officer and a Gentleman was filmed four years before I was born, and I think I knew, in-utero, that he is the single most amazing combination of X and Y chromosomes ever to walk this earth. Richard, if you’re reading this, I just want you to know, I would resort to a life of turning tricks, just to one day see you scale my fire escape.

The Price is Wrong

At the ripe old age of 162, I couldn’t help but think that Bob Barker still had that spark.  Sure, he had been a member of the geriatric population for my entire life, but there was something about him that just made sense.  A man like Bob Barker could be sexist, calling his spokeswomen “Barker’s Beauties,” and for some reason I wouldn’t even care.

He had that soothing voice, that made me feel like all my troubles would just melt away once I decided whether the stainless steel refrigerator was more than $700.  And for some reason my grandmother — my grandmother who spent most of her life bickering — was so infatuated with him that she taught her bird two words, and two words only: Bob Barker.  Bob Barker was and will always be a panty-dropper.  It’s science.

Drew Carey, on the other hand, is no panty-dropper.  When I think of Drew Carey, I think of my childhood introduction to prime time television.  I would sit on the couch with my sister while Mom and Dad sat in their chairs, and week after week I would watch Drew NOT get laid.

Is this the best we can do?  Sure, I’ll admit it: Drew Carey makes me laugh.  I love Whose Line is it Anyway, and there’s something about that skinny tie and thick-rimmed glasses that makes me chuckle.  But when women watch The Price is Right, do they want to chuckle?  No.  They want to fall in love with a mildly creepy old man.  Drew Carey is a mildly creepy middle-aged man, and I for one will not stand for it.

Think about it.  Drew Carey was basically chosen to play the role of a young Bob Barker.  He’s like the new James Bond.  Did they follow Sean Connery (another distinguished, lady-pleasing gentleman of a certain generation) with a 1970’s nerd?  No.  They replaced him with Roger Moore, and then Pierce Brosnan down the line!  Eat your heart out, Drew Carey.

And think about all the other times these distinguished men are replaced or portrayed by a younger man.  In the upcoming film about Hugh Hefner’s life, Leonardo DiCaprio is starring in the title role.  Leonardo DiCaprio!  He’s so hot he turned the sinking of the Titanic into a steamy love story that my 11-year-old self could not get enough of.  He is actually making people care about global warming with his documentary The 11th Hour.  To be quite honest, he makes me want to drive a Prius.

So, a public service announcement to the great people of America.  I am all for looking for the good in people beneath the surface.  Just because someone is not an incredibly good looking person does not mean they don’t have other endearing qualities.  Believe me, I hate the patriarchal cycle in this country that forces men and women to look a certain way, or feel inadequate if they don’t.

But when it comes to The Price is Right, embrace the cycle.  Embrace it like it were Plinko.  Save The Price is Right.  Hire Pierce Brosnan.