Top Ten Signs It’s Midterm Time At College:

10.) You haven’t seen your roommate in almost a week, but for all the wrong reasons. It’s not because she’s been out partying like Kate Moss, or over at that cute guy’s house for hours on end. You’ve been hearing rumors that she’s been hiding out in the stacks at the library, and the last time you caught a glimpse of her, she was passed out in a bag of Cheeto’s on her bed, surrounded by not one, not two, but three separate organic chemistry text books.


9.) The smell test has taken over your life. You know what I’m talking about. It’s been so long since you have had the time and energy to actually wash your clothes that you have to hold your jeans up to your nose in the morning while deciding if they can make it just one more time.


8.) You have absolutely no clue what is going on with your favorite TV show. For all you know, Hannah Montana’s secret identity has been found out, and so has Gossip Girl’s. Miss USA and Miss Teen USA could be BFF again on Pageant Place, and you would have no clue, because you have been busy writing a thirty-page rant about the importance of feminism in the global south.


7.) You finally made it home from the student union at two o’clock in the morning, after hiding out in a comfy chair to get your reading done, and noticed a yellow note taped to your door. Great, just great. It’s from the health department. Apparently the fact that you have not done your dishes in three weeks, and practically carpeted your formerly hardwood floors with loose leaf paper is a major health code violation. Congratulations, your modest rental property is being condemned.


6.) The chunky milk has taken over the refrigerator — once again.


5.) You used to fall asleep to the soothing sound of John Mayer’s voice, singing an acoustic version of Your Body is a Wonderland straight from his heart, through your iHome, and into your ears. Now you pass out to the tune of Fur Elise, and the rest of the classic studying playlist your mother forced you to create while studying for the SATs approximately a million years ago.


4.) You have decided, at the ripe-old age of 21, that it’s time for a face-lift — or at least a little bit of Botox. The bags beneath your eyes have begun to rival those of a basset hound, or more accurately, those of your high school principal. Yeesh.


3.) Your to-do list is so long it actually goes on for three pages in your spiral notebook. As if this isn’t discouraging enough, it is rivaled by one other document: your grocery list. You’re out of toilet paper, paper towels, chap stick, all five food groups, and dish detergent. The plus side? You still have two bags of frozen vegetables left. So what’s for dinner? Brussels Sprouts or Cauliflower?

2.) The barista at Starbucks rolls her eyes and grunts every time you come in the door. This is your third triple-shot espresso in the last two hours, and your twenty-seventh this week. Sure, she’s happy your tips are helping her pay for her own college tuition, but she’s beginning to wonder if you need some sort of clinical treatment.

1.) Your vocabulary, and the vocabulary of everyone around you has been severely affected over the past week. In fact, it’s been three days since you’ve heard anyone (outside of your professors and TAs of course) use an actual word. You even accept “Ug” as a proper salutation in the morning.

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2 Responses

  1. “Ug.” It’s so true! Hope you get through your midterms with the barest minimum of psychological damage.

    Also: Denver.

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