Top Ten Signs You’re A Farm Girl

DC Intern or not, there’s no way I can deny my roots. I grew up in a small, rural town outside of Albany, New York. My parents run a small family farm, raising grass-fed beef cows and growing hay. It’s a simple life, one I love to come home to, where the people are real, the grass is green, and the sky is filled with stars.
But let’s not romanticize too much. More often than not, I feel like I’m on some backwards sitcom like Beverly Hillbillies, or I’m getting Punk’d by Ashton.

So without further ado, here are ten unmistakable signs that you, or someone you love, is a farm girl.

10.) You can’t drive your dad’s pick up truck, because manual transmissions are way beyond your mental capacity. But somehow you are able to operate a Ford 2910 Tractor, complete with 13 gears and a modified H-pattern.

As you can see, my hair is not quite as good as it should be...9.) Here’s a true story for you: You get your hair done for the prom in eleventh grade, only to come home to a cow standing in the middle of your backyard, just waiting for you and your $50 ‘do to chase it back to its greener pasture… I hate cows.

8.) You don’t even know where your parents keep the key to your house. Do your doors even have locks? Doesn’t everyone leave their key in the ignition?

7.) You write out directions for your friends that include the phrases: “Take a right at the red barn.” “Turn right on County Route (insert number here).” “It’s the house with two barns.” “Drive slowly. There’s a lot of horse traffic on that road.”

6.) Another true story. Your home economics teacher was in the room when you were born… in your parents’ bathroom.

5.) Your next-door neighbor is a really nice old woman, but you don’t actually know what she looks like, since she lives approximately a mile away and your dad broke the binoculars while he was deer hunting last November.

4.) Pet shopping has nothing to do with whether a dog will be cuddly and cute, but instead you ask the breeder if there were champion herders in their bloodline. Do they respond to whistles, sign language and clapping? Are they equal-opportunity cow haters?

3.) You have, at one time or another, known the name of your dinner. Sorry! I know it’s gruesome, but don’t freak out. What the hell do you think Jane Austen ate? Yea…. That’s what I thought.

2.) Your dad bought an iPod so he could listen to music while he is driving his tractor.

1.) The driving age, while legally 16, actually depends on how old you are when your feet can finally reach the pedals.


One Response

  1. My mom and dad have recently started locking their doors. I’m not sure what prompted this. However, I’m sure it isn’t some big crime wave in my small town because they still leave their keys in the cars.

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