Top Ten: Signs Your Extra-Curricular Drinking May Be Out of Control

College is awesome… it’s friggin awesome.  You get to eat what you want, stay up until whenever you want, and get away with just about anything you can imagine.  So it’s natural that we all get carried away every once in a while.  Here are ten warning signs you should look for when wondering if it’s time to stage an intervention.

10.) Listen carefully the next time your cellie is blowing up.  If your ring tone library includes polyphonic versions of Buy You A Drank, Party Like a Rock Star, and even the time-honored Margaritaville, there is a 47 percent chance you have a drinking problem.  Hey, don’t look at me, Buster, that’s a well-known fact.

9.) Having the bouncers know you by name is not a bad thing.  In fact, I think it’s pretty bad-ass, and I have to say I admire people who are cool enough to evoke memories upon entry to their favorite watering hole.  But when the street cleaners can I.D. you the next morning by the brown-and blonde-highlighted messy pony tail and silver purse, you’ve officially gone a bit too far.

8.) I love borrowing friend’s clothes as much as the next girl.  It’s great.  I mean, your wardrobe expands exponentially, and it’s an easy way to experiment with your personal style without depleting your bank account.  But when you get so trashed you borrow a pair of jeans and don’t even notice your “friend left a bag of coke in the pocket” before you hop in your SUV for a good, old fashioned high-speed chase, it’s probably time to throw in the partying towel.

7.) Senior year can be rough.  There’s the GREs if you’re thinking Grad School, and the job hunt if you’re not — not to mention those pesky senior theses.  And while comparing Russian literature, or creating a working bio-dome may not be for everyone, you can officially say you have a drinking problem when your Linguistics Thesis Topic is “Beirut vs. Beer Pong: The Debate Over Drinking Terminology in the Modern American Lexicon.”

6.) You and your roomies are utterly adorable.  You bake cupcakes for each other’s birthdays, and heat up soup for each other when someone is stuck inside with a nasty cold.  You even post all major achievements on the refrigerator door.  There’s dean’s list announcements, A papers, academic awards, newspaper clippings… then there’s your sole achievement: An Honorable Mention at the 2007 All-Campus Beer Olympics.

5.) We all remember the famous Freshman Fifteen.  It’s still haunting us, and we have just now come terms to the fact that our favorite dress from high school is never going to zip again.  But when you’ve added on enough six packs of Corona that you have to start buying pants with elastic waist bands it’s time to call it quits and pick up a Diet Coke instead.

4.) If you walk around campus saying “that’s hot,” while carrying a tea-cup Chihuahua and singing about blind stars, you are not only a raging alcoholic, but a threat to feminism everywhere.

3.) We all thought it was cute when Will Ferrell streaked the Quad in “Old School.”  Well, disturbing and cute, I guess.  But the truth is, if you ever, EVER find yourself kicking off your shoes and stripping down to your skippies at the center of your campus, stop.  Drink a bottle of water, and rethink this plan.  You’ll thank me later.

2.) Holiday shopping can be pretty stressful.  What do you get your lab partner?  What about that kid in your calc class that you have a slightly inappropriate crush on?  And your roommates?  Man, why is it so stressful?  Fortunately for you, your friends had no problem figuring out what you wanted.  They all pooled their money and bought you stock in your fave beer company.

1.) Your grades have been suffering a bit this semester, but there’s one class you know you can count on to give your GPA a little boost.  You show up for your Beer and Wine Appreciation class early every week, stay late, and even offer to do extra credit assignments as often as possible… all because you want to expand your mind [cough, liver].


4 Responses

  1. […] Told by Teaching Fellows: 968.  14 Ways Musicians Can Increase their Tips 969.  Top Ten: Signs Your Extra-Curricular Drinking May Be Out of Control 970.  5 Things You Should Know about My Dad the ProBlogger 971.  14 tips to […]

  2. I would like to see a continuation of the topic

  3. […] 967. Top Five Lies Told by Teaching Fellows: 968. 14 Ways Musicians Can Increase their Tips 969. Top Ten: Signs Your Extra-Curricular Drinking May Be Out of Control 970. 5 Things You Should Know about My Dad the ProBlogger 971. 14 tips to avoid identity theft 972. […]

  4. […] 2.) My friends and I actually made reference to “The Good Old Days” on said road trip. Sigh. Has it really been that long since I drank my face off without feeling ill for the next three days? […]

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